Sept. 11: Counselor Shares Tips for Talking with Children

As a counselor at in and a grandmother of young children, Jane Hornby has been giving the Sept. 11 anniversary a lot of thought.

“Our students were just babies or weren’t even born yet, but many know about the attacks through their parents, history lessons, TV and other media,” Hornby said. “As adults, we remember the events so well, but we also want to help our children understand what happened and answer their questions.”

In doing her own research to share with parents, Hornby recommends a few tips when discussing Sept. 11 with children:

• If possible, parents should not impose their feelings but instead answer what they are asked and answer using open-ended questions. For example, ask a child what they would like to know.

• Monitor what children are seeing on television and the Internet. Younger children in particular don’t understand that what they see on TV may not be happening right now. If they see the images of the planes over and over, because they will be played over and over, they may worry that it is happening right now. If an older child is watching the images on TV, it’s best to watch with them and answer questions they may have.

• Children want to know they are safe, and parents should help them without making a promise that this could never happen again. Parents need to talk to their children about how the country has changed and how new safety regulations have been put into place.

• Avoid the hatred and blame of an entire population. Explain to children that it was a small group of people who attacked the U.S. It’s important to answer questions with facts. There are many resources available for parents if they need guidance.

Hornby said she plans to talk to her own grandchildren about the attacks to see what they may already know and answer any questions they may have.

“I have such vivid memories of that day,” said Hornby, who was a social studies teacher at a school with young children and high school students in 2001.

She remembers the older students being immobilized by the day’s events, while the younger students had more of a need to go back to a “normal” day rather than continually seeing images of the attacks. She emphasizes that children react to events differently depending on their age.