Potty Pride: Why I Wish I Were 10 (Weeks Old)

There will be no balloons, cake or ice cream at this St. Louis party. But for Julie and I, it's something to celebrate.

On Friday, our son turns 10 weeks old. Micah has taken up an important place in our lives, and that's unlikely to change in the next, say, several decades.

In honor of the occasion, I've compiled 10 reasons to explain why 10 weeks is a great age.

10. Hunting for a bathroom isn't necessary. That's the beauty of diapers. Adults, by contrast, must scour signs, blush while asking restaurateurs for directions or hold it through the remainder of the 12-and-a-half-hour movie.

9. Staring isn't considered rude. Babies gaze at everything. Constantly. People young and old delight when a baby locks eyes with them. If I tried that, it would regarded as creepy or an intrusion on personal space. Probably both.

8. Hand-chewing is an acceptable form of calming. As an adult, sticking hands in one's face—nail-biting, anyone?—is considered unseemly and unsanitary. But when a child does it, parents rejoice that he's settled down, if only for 30 seconds.

7. Fussiness is expected. If I fuss and gripe throughout the day, I'm perceived as having a bad attitude and a lack of work ethic. If my baby does it, it's perceived as normal and cute.

6. Limbs are limber. Babies who've had a few weeks to explore their surroundings quickly find ways to use their arms and legs. I've even been head-butted. As opposed to his dad, who sits in an office chair for 15 minutes and gets widespread upper back pain.

5. Room service. If you're a baby, you can register requests and file complaints at the drop of a hat. 5 p.m.? Sure. 3:30 a.m.? You bet. Their wish is your command.

4. Baths are mandatory. I wish I had the luxury of regular baths. Instead, I'm resigned to rushed morning showers while I'm still half asleep. He even gets scalp massages!

3. Gas and food rank highly among concerns. Forget striving for moral excellence or attaining financial security. A baby primarily worries when his tummy's upset or when he's missing a meal. Talk about peace of mind.

2. Pudgy is positive. Micah is in the upper echelon for weight among kids his age. So what? Everyone says he'll run it off when he gets older. And for now, it means there's plenty of cheek-pinching goodness to spare for all the relatives.

1. He's talking—he's just not talking back. It's a delight to listen to my son babble. You hear a lot about sass from teenagers. We get zero sass from our baby. Unless you count screaming caused by sleep deprivation or hunger. But this is his big day. Didn't someone say something about crying at parties?