Some Tips for the Newly Divorced Parent

Even if your divorce was amicable, there is always a chance that a motion to modify can turn ugly.  It is always better to be safe than sorry.  Here are some things to think about.

School:  Be certain to be involved and to keep a record of your involvement.  Do not dramatically increase your involvement; rather, do so gradually.  Go to the school at some point over the summer with some self-addressed stamped envelopes and ask that duplicate copies of all items sent home with the kids be sent to you.  Don’t complicate things by telling them not to worry about things sent home on Wednesdays.  Let the school folks know what days you will be picking the children up.  If possible, avoid giving them your entire judgment.  You might consider making a calendar and showing it to the other parent, telling them it is for the school and getting their agreement that it is accurate.  Be in contact with the teacher and exchange information like e-mail addresses with him or her.  Talk to the teachers and tell them that now that the stress of the divorce is over, you want to make being involved with the school a priority again and ask how often and by what means they would like to have contact with you.  Make a point to meet the school counselor, briefly explain that the children seem to have adjusted fine to the divorce but you would like him or her to be aware and to have your contact information.  Perhaps contact of a similar nature with the school nurse (if there is one) would be appropriate.  Be certain to read the year end report cards carefully and to be the leader in effectuating any suggestions with the other parent.  Consider speaking with the past year’s teachers each year and asking if there is anything that could use some extra attention over the summer and if so, present a plan to the other parent.

 Medical/Dental:  Be sure to know what the status of all routine healthcare, be certain that all health care providers have your current contact information.  Show initiative about upcoming routine exams – offer to be in charge of scheduling and get times that are good for the other parent, when an appointment is coming up, offer to take the child or ask to also attend.  Treat the dentist the same way.  If orthodontia is a possibility, be proactive about having that issue addressed.  Be prompt about submitting bills you have to the other pqarent and in paying your part of those submitted to him or her. 

 Activities:  Keep track of your involvement.  Do not count on the other parent getting information to you.  Get it yourself. Share all information that you get with him or her or at least offer to do so.

 Custody:  Keep track of time you have the kids, whether scheduled or not and if not your regularly scheduled time, keep notes as to why.

 Child support:  There is supposed to be a wage assignment, but keep track of whether or not it has been done and pay directly to the other parent until the wage assignment takes effect.  Get a copy of the canceled checks now (it is easier if you do it right away) and keep them.  Remember that child support is not to pay everything, so don’t be petty about smaller expenses and keep track of the bigger things – not dinner out, but clothes, party gifts for other children and the like.

 Communication:  Keep copies of all texts and e-mails with the other parent and your children.  These things can get lost in cyberspace for no apparent reason, so back them up on your hard drive every once in a while. 

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