A familiar figure stands just outside the door to Fowler's ZX gas station at 1220 Big Bend Blvd., just a rock’s throw north of Highway 40. He squints into the sun rising over Richmond Heights, his trademark pipe clamped between his teeth, and the sweet, pleasant aroma of Captain Black tobacco perfumes the lot. “Been smoking it since ’73,” Kirby Fowler said. He’s the owner and operator of ZX along with his son Jason, a communications major who graduated from Southeast Missouri State University in 1996. “He’s always out there,” Jason said. How’s business? “It’s good,” Kirby said. “Of course, we…

All right, all you men of Richmond Heights gather round. (There’s the low murmur of men’s voices interspersed with coughs. We hear the sliding and knocking of chairs on a wooden floor.) Come on now, Clayton men, settle down and listen up.  Men, it has come to my attention that we are being systemically and deliberately de-masculinized by our women.  We are being directed, if not outright forced, into using products and services that are specifically designed for women. (Shuffling and mumbling. Subtle glances are exchanged.)  Consider our quandary, men. We have only women’s soap and shampoo in…

It is a dirty trick for me to ask the denizens of Clayton and Richmond Heights to read the county ordinance drafted by our seemingly perpetually hung-over legislators that kicked into existence on Jan. 2.  It is known officially as the Indoor Clean Air Code, and commonly as the smoking ban. But I think you’ll enjoy it.  It is funnier than anything I could make up.  Please take a moment to read it.  In the words of the late Uncle Leonard, “You’ll thank me—you’ll bless me.” The language of the ordinance is typically windy and meandering, and written with the purpose of discouraging any normal …

*Editor's note: An earlier version of this article did not include the complete name of The Boulevard-Saint Louis. This article has been updated to reflect the development's full name. Mitchell James, the full-service salon located at 35 The Boulevard-Saint Louis* in Richmond Heights, has expanded its operation to a 1,850-square-foot store front across the street at 30 The Boulevard-Saint Louis*.  The new addition, open since Dec. 1, is an eclectic boutique called Schön. Schön (just say "shown") means "beautiful" in German. The boutique offers hair-care products, gifts and personal items, …

I was in the Schnucks over at 6600 Clayton Rd. in Richmond Heights, standing in the grocery store checkout line and reading headlines from the magazines in the rack.  I read the heading on the National Enquirer: "Paris Hilton Dating Bigfoot."  I opened the magazine and flipped to the photos, where it was revealed that Bigfoot is a basketball player with Size 20 shoes. I expected the play on words because it's impossible for even Paris Hilton to date the real Bigfoot and because I know that the headlines are purposely ambiguous so as to tease us into buying the publication. Then I checked out …

(With apologies to Clement Moore.) 'Twas two days after Christmas and there on the floor, Lay paper and ribbons from two days before.The stockings we'd hung by the chimney last week, Were sweat-socks from Dad that were starting to reek.The tree in the corner was brittle and brownSuper Bowl Sunday is when it comes down.How Santa could slide in his sleigh we don't know.The planet is warming; we ain't got no snow.I woke up this morning to empty my bladder, And stepped on my brother's new fire truck and ladder.The stress of the holiday gave me a rash.I got a new coat; what I wanted was cash.Dad …

If you want to see famous actors in Los Angeles, you go to Hollywood.  If you want to see famous actors in St. Louis, you go to Richmond Heights. How's that again?  You heard me. You go over to Clayton Studios at 1126 S. Big Bend Blvd. in 63117, and there's a chance you'll run into John Goodman, or Willie Nelson, or Cliff Robertson or Bonnie Raitt. And I'm not talking impersonators here. I'm talking about the real people.  They've all been to Clayton Studios, the market's premier commercial recording facility, to record music or voice-overs for films, videos and commercials. And the …

From the thousands of gifts for kids that are being featured on Internet sites this year, below you will find the ones that customers are clicking on the most. These are actual items, and if you go online to check them out you'll read their descriptions, with their suggestions and their recommendations.  In other words, you'll read a bunch of lies.  Well, not in this column.  Here, you'll get the description and usage suggestions that are mine.  In other words, more lies.  But, at least, mine are funnier. So here's a glimpse of the Craig Hawksley Christmas Catalogue, available only on …

If you're looking to buy a real Christmas tree, and you want youthful enthusiasm, warm Christmas spirit and super service, check out Boy Scout Troop 362 and its lot at 1717 Big Bend Blvd. in Richmond Heights, on the grounds of VFW Post 3500. Post 35oo is donating their space at no charge, so all the profits go to Troop 362.  When I got there, Chrystopher Kluttz and Dylan Long, both 13, were busy putting a customer's tree through the mesh loop. It was then cut and removed by Assistant Scoutmaster Jeff Walker, who handed it off to Dylan's dad, John Long. He then carried it to the customer's car…

Craig Hawksley recently visited the Saint Louis Galleria to experience the start of the holiday shopping season. His journal documenting the trip follows. 3:30 p.m.  Plan A is in motion: My annual trip to the Saint Louis Galleria to get all my Christmas shopping done in one focused outing. It is Black Friday, but I am not afraid. Traffic is manageable.  As I drive north on Brentwood Boulevard under the Highway 40 bridge  a guy with a City of Brentwood window-sticker tries to cut me off, but I expertly coax him onto the westbound I-64 ramp. He screams something at me—probably "Merry Christmas…